A mother’s intuition is one of the strongest forces out there. It wasn’t until I tapped into mine, that things started shifting.
After months of tantrums, I realized my strong-willed yet loving, compassionate, sensitive and intelligent toddler was going through something. Yes, I know tantrums and toddlers are synonymous. This was not an attempt to make meaning out of something that didn’t exist. The moment my daughter turned two, the tantrums began. For the first three months, I talked to other parents, read articles, watched videos and read books. How to Talk So they Will Listen was one of my favorites. The tools in the book worked most of the time. Things got better after month three as I learned how to parent a toddler but not for long.
Our Summer of Hell
Then, came our summer of hell. In a matter of two months, we experienced two car accidents, bed bugs, a fall at work that resulted in physical therapy, a dramatic change at my daughter’s daycare, financial stress, did I mention bed bugs? Yeah, that took two months to resolve because our pest company convinced us that the chemical treatment was the way to go but failed to spray the most obvious place. After weeks and weeks of packing and unpacking, washing and drying clothes, and having people come into our home every two weeks to tear our house apart and spray harmful chemicals, we got the heat treatment and laid it to rest. In that time, my husband and I got hundreds of bites (fortunately, our daughter was spared). Our love for travel was affected and, of course, the ability to find rest and respite in the one place in the world you could rely on was impacted.
We were amazed at how well my daughter fared through it all, even as we tried to keep her from seeing her home and room in a complete disarray. For those of you with toddlers, you know structure and control is paramount to them since they have so little control of their own lives.
In any case, we were grateful for her behavior while we tried to handle the life that was falling apart around us. That is, until it was over. That is when the tantrums or upsets really began.
When it Began
There could be causation or correlation; who knows? For the next 10 months, the tantrums she expressed were explosive in their nature, frequency, intensity, and duration. They would come from nowhere and last one hour or longer sometimes. Trying to hug or hold her or ignore her or distract her or avoid her was all in vain. Her basic needs were met in terms of love, food, affection, sleep, and movement.
There was no other apparent change or chaos. There were times when I would be on the floor crying with her or praying and pleading for her to find peace. Of course, I felt like a terrible mom in those moments. I felt awful for her upsets and for how I handled them.
There was also something more, something deeper. I come from the Hindu tradition and am a spiritual person, and what she was experiencing just didn’t seem right. Music, aromatherapy, calming bedtime routines were a norm in our home but, on their own, were not helping.
The Lifejacket
I finally decided to call an energy healer whom a friend had mentioned months ago, someone she called upon in her own life with her kids. We so often ignore the signals or lifejackets sent to us and over rationalize things.
I practice yoga and meditation and believe in the power of acupuncture, tai chi, reiki and similar modalities, and yet I was hesitant about energy healing as if she didn’t need it. I reached out to the practitioner and when she thought she could help us, I thought, “What can I lose except some money if it doesn’t work? At least I would know I tried it.
We set up three sessions with the practitioner that were held over WhatsApp video. Since my daughter is young and since mothers and children are so closely connected until about age six or seven, I was the surrogate used to heal her. My daughter would or could interact with Tina but would mostly be playing nearby. In the sessions, I would share a recent episode, after which an emotion such as anguish, fear, worry, etc. was identified. Then, the practitioner would muscle test at what point in my daughter’s life did that emotion appear previously. The majority of the episodes were from my daughter’s experience in utero, which really meant what I experienced when I was pregnant. Mommy Nearest recently shared an article on how toddler tantrums are caused by maternal stress!
The Aha! Moment
She nailed it! For example, during one tantrum, my daughter was feeling worried. The practitioner discovered that at eight months pregnant, I was really worried about something. I would recall that it was the risk of having gestational diabetes. If I was right, her testing would confirm and, if it was something else, she would urge me to think about what else might have had me feeling worried at eight months. It was incredible what her intuition picked up on and guided her to in those conversations. My ability to recollect what happened years ago, since my memory is not the sharpest, also impressed me.
Just last month, my daughter was being particularly uncooperative and difficult with night wakings. I contacted our energy healer who identified four distinct causes. One was extreme sadness because she missed a little girl, she had been close to. These are not things we would know, or she would necessarily know to articulate.
My Daughter’s Angst
Incidentally, the week prior my daughter had ended her time at a home daycare, where she has been since infancy. It was there that she had made a very good friend, who she is friends with to this day. She was missing the spontaneity and mischief that this little girl brought to her daughter. Tina advised me to have her write a letter to her friend. She suggested I organize a playdate soon. Tina also identified physical inflammation that was not visible but caused by fruit from concentrate juice. My daughter rarely drank juice except at birthday parties, so I was able to remember when she last had juice.
Through muscle testing, Tina found that there was creativity that my daughter was yearning for, which was present at daycare. I knew my daughter liked to color and dance, but those not were coming up. I came to the conclusion that making forts, which requires creativity and teamwork is what my daughter was yearning for. So, we made forts that afternoon.
Finally, the energy healer identified sadness in my daughter, which came from her in utero experience at seven months. She asked if I was sad when I was seven months pregnant. When I couldn’t recall, she asked if I had traveled that month. Then I remembered that I had traveled for my friend’s baby shower in Chicago that month. I was sad because I had no recent memories to share of her during a shower game, only childhood. The combination of these episodes was resulting in my daughter’s behavior for a week. Had I not spoken to Tina, I would have never been able to identify what was wrong. This would lead to frustration, inevitably.
The Progress
Since the last session, more than two months later, we have had 0 tantrums. Now, that doesn’t mean she isn’t a three-year-old who isn’t difficult or uncooperative, at times. But we’re better able to handle everything with patience and love. We also employ the tools we’ve learned from child psychologists like offering choices or setting time limits.
My husband and I have since talked to this practitioner about our life issues, stemming from our past. Since, as adults, we have more drama, trauma, and baggage than a toddler, ours will take longer to clear. However, I for one, am optimistic! My husband is a mental health clinician and first called energy healing “magic therapy”. He was pleased that we don’t have to recount experiences in order to heal. We mention the incident, the emotion behind the incident is identified, and then the energy healer works with us to release it. This can be done long distance too!
The Body Remembers
Energy healing is based on the premise that during a traumatic or stressful episode, energy finds a weak point in our bodies. It stores itself there until released, if ever released. If it’s not released, it manifests as chronic pain, illness, and disease. So, as in the documentary, Heal, consider you’re in a terrible car accident. Even if you walk away without external injury, the stress and trauma from that accident stores itself in your body. Talking about the incident doesn’t necessarily teach your body to let go of that stored energy. So, energy releases are necessary to clear the stuck energy. This is why after years of talk therapy, you may still feel unresolved. You may feel triggered when you are in similar situations.
Acupuncture and reiki, in a similar way, clear blocks of energy in the pathways of your body. More and more people are discovering the power of energy healing, which has existed for thousands of years. If you’re interested in learning more, I recommend “The Healing Field: Exploring Energy & Consciousness Expanded Edition“. Major organizations such as Mommy Nearest, Sivana Spirit, and Mindvalley have all recently published articles about the power of energy healing. Also, check out The Body Keeps Score and It Didn’t Start with You. In any case, energy healing helped my daughter and now…I’m a believer.
If you want to learn if energy healing is right for you, go to www.drtinaminert.com.
Update: We have continued to reach out to Tina for the last five years whenever anyone of us is stuck or going through something that is hard to understand. She has been a lifeline and a lifesaver for our family and countless others.
