As we know, every child is different but so is the mother’s experience in birthing and raising each of her children in the first year. Many mothers will comment on how starkly different one birth is from the other. My story is no different.
The births of my two daughters were so different and unique on their own. Each had their challenges and their gifts. What I expect would be the result of those births, though, is not what I actually experienced.
I want to share my experience here to give new or expecting mothers an idea of how different things can turn out even when your efforts and input are the same or nearly the same.
| Baby #1 (Born Dec 2015) | Baby #2 (Born Jan 2021) | ||
| Birth education | Hypnobirthing | Hypnobirthing refresh | |
| Prenatal Care | Midwives at the hospital (In-office visits, various tests and procedures, glucose test) | Midwife at home (Home visits, minimal ultrasounds, real food gestational diabetes test) | |
| Stress during pregnancy | Work related stress; didn’t have knowledge about impact on baby | Significant due to Covid; tried to manage better knowing impact on baby | |
| Prenatal support | Chiropractor at 32 weeks onwards, occasional massage | Acupuncture, chiropractor, massage, Medical intuitive | |
| Mother’s Diet During Pregnancy | Vegetarian; ate nuts; prenatal vitamins; limited sugar | Vegetarian; ate nuts; prenatal vitamins; limited sugar | |
| Baby position | Breech from 32 weeks on | Ideal position until birth when she was stargazing | |
| Birth Plan | Started with Midwives at the hospital but went to 42 weeks and baby was breech so transferred to OB | Home VBAC water birth as planned | |
| Birth | Scheduled cesarean with OB | Home VBAC water birth | |
| Breastfeeding | Breastfed for 20 months; Pumped for 12 months | Breastfed for 0 days; Pumped for 8 months; Formula supplementation | Strong immune systems for both; stronger for baby 2 thus far |
| Help at home from baby’s grandmother | 5 months | 3 months | |
| Solids | Purees | Baby led weaning | Baby 1 is more diverse in her palate than expected of her age but is also typical eater for her age; Baby 2 eats all cuisines, textures etc. |
| Sleep | Sleep trained on our own at age 1 | Worked with a sleep coach at 9 months | Baby 1 still need us to fall asleep; Baby 2 sleep trained and asks to be put to sleep |
| Allergens | No nuts, eggs, honey, or cow’s milk until 1 as per old AAP guidelines | Nuts, eggs, honey given after 6 months (AAP guidelines for allergens- except honey-changed) | Baby 1 has a nut allergy and egg intolerance though both things have improved due to exposure, testing, etc. Read How I’m Helping My Daughter Overcome her Food Allergy. Baby 2 does not have any food allergies to date. |
| Postpartum baby care | Baby seen within first week; Mother at 6 weeks | Baby and mother seen multiple times for 2 months | |
| Antibiotics exposure | Once at age 1 for suspected norovirus, at age 2 for ear infection and age 5 for suspected UTI | None to date | Mother’s exposure to antibiotics during cesarean section |
| Postpartum recovery | Chiropractor | Physical therapy, chiropractor, acupuncture, yoni steam | |
| Postpartum Mental Health | Some postpartum anxiety | None | |
| Acid reflux | @ age one, gave her Zantac (since been recalled) for 6 months due to daily vomiting | @2 months, did massage, chamomile tea, and homeopathy; reflux resolved quickly | |
| Vaccination Schedule | Typical | Delayed and alternate | |
| Baby massage | Almost daily for first three months | Almost daily for the first year | |
| Mother’s Return to Work | 3 1/2 months of maternity leave and then 4 days in the office | Self -employed so working immediately but in the home | |
| Baby milestones | On or before target | On or before target | |
| Paternity leave | 2 weeks | 2 months | |
| First teeth | Arrived at 9 months | Arrived at 11 months |
When I look at this data, it’s clear how different things were the second time around for a variety of reasons. In addition, we have to take the impact of a global pandemic into account.
I still regret not being able to have a vaginal birth with my first born, even though I did everything I knew of to help turn her. Read more on my blog about having a breech baby. Studies shows that babies born via cesarean can have a harder time with breast-feeding. While it was challenging at first, we were able to go to twenty months and reaped so many benefits, including bonding.
And I still regret not being able to breastfeed my second baby and missing out on all the benefits, including bonding. Pumping is draining, takes the joy out of the process, and has fewer benefits than direct breastfeeding. I worked with the best lactation consultant in the area, spending hundreds of dollars, doing exercises with my daughter, having an ENT release her tongue tie, working with a chiropractor and nothing changed. And, yet, with her I had a raw yet beautiful home water birth with my family beside me.
One would expect the opposite outcomes given how they were birthed, right?
As they say, when you know more, you know more, right? In terms of health outcomes, there were many things I wish I had done differently with my older daughter. My decisions would change due, in part, from experience and, in part, from knowledge attained. Due to my infant massage business, I learned so much in between the pregnancies about prenatal and postpartum care, learning from experts in the field.
My younger daughter has not presented with food allergies thus far and I hope my older daughter never blames me for her health challenges. I don’t know exactly what could be the cause but I know there are things I would and am doing differently this time. To illustrate this point, we’ve heard food allergies can be caused by cesareans since baby is not exposed to good bacteria in the vaginal canal, or by dosing and combining of vaccines before immune response has a chance to build, triggering an autoimmune response, or by the AAP recommendation of delaying common food allergens until one year of age, or by overuse of antibiotics. I know it’s hard to pinpoint causation but I can’t help but look at some of the actions we unknowingly took that might have contributed to her developing a food allergy, which may be with her for life.
So, if you are pregnant or a new mother, please arm yourself with knowledge, follow your intuition, and don’t settle when making the critical decisions for your children. I’m so glad I pushed back when I did. And, please, ignore the “I never did x or took x and I turned out fine or my children turned out fine” sentiment we often hear from other mothers. It’s not helpful. You’ve got this, mama.
