It’s National Breastfeeding Month in America, designated in 2011 to protect, promote, and support breastfeeding and human milk feeding. (You can read the proclamation here, if you’re interested.) Yet, there is one question we’re not asking about breastfeeding.
The Debate We Keep Hearing
So is it just me or is anyone else tired of the “breast is best!” “fed is best” debate? There is so much guilt and shame going around that is not helpful for mothers and their babies. Maybe where we are getting caught up is in the “best” part. Our obsession with the “best” of everything is a topic for another day but really it leaves us always disappointed, especially in this age of the constant comparing that happens online. On this note, if you haven’t seen the Korean drama series, Birth Care Center, you have to check it out! It does a beautiful job of capturing the absurdity of the conflict.
Getting back to the topic at hand. Well-meaning people on both sides are staking a claim for one or the other- breast or fed- and it’s not about absolutes. It’s complex and the problem is not with mothers but with the larger society.
The Facts:
1. Fact: Breastmilk is the healthiest liquid gold you can offer your infant and newborn.
2. Fact: Some birthing mothers, try everything they can to breastfeed their babies, and are unable to do so, for a variety of reasons.
3. Fact: America formula companies (almost all led by men) are corrupt and formula is not made in the healthiest way possible. It is often forced onto women in hospitals and beyond.
Thank Goodness Formula Exists
Once it is confirmed that a birthing mom cannot breastfeed, how wonderful is it to have formula as an option so baby does not go hungry? Unfortunately, the options are not always healthy, affordable, or accessible. However, I’m grateful for European formula companies like Holle and Hipp, who have created a product for mothers, who are unable to breastfeed and their babies, that is healthier. A mother’s mental health is critical, and she should not be shamed for not being able to breastfeed after she has tried.
The Real Question To Ask
Instead of yelling breast is best! “fed is best!”, we should be asking have we, as a society, provided everything a mother needs to successfully breastfeed when, where, how, and for as long as she wants? In America, the answer is most often No and, if that is true, save the mom shaming. We should be focusing our attention not on pointing fingers but in helping to change policy and practices around breastfeeding in America. Doing so can help the rates increase, especially in black, brown, and low-income communities.
Here are some roadblocks to a mama’s ability to breastfeed:
- Absence of paid maternity (and paternity) leave
- Lack of lactation consultancy that is quality, accessible, and affordable
- Too many other responsibilities without support
- Poor nutrition
- Lack of community
- No way to breastfeed while at work
- Lack of safe and private options to pump
- Historical racism in breastfeeding
- And more!
It’s no wonder why so many women stop breastfeeding! The odds are against them. They are shamed for not continuing by those who should support them, and a money hungry industry is lurking around everyone corner luring them to the formula side, using biased scientific research to convince them. ACOG talks about this very issue in terms of both barriers and the factors that support the continuation of breastfeeding.
I experienced all of it with my two babies, so I’m speaking from experience and not judgment. Here’s how different my babies happened to be.
Baby 1:
My First Baby’s Experience
Before the birth of my first child, my husband and I took a breastfeeding class, which was the single best thing we did, in terms of breastfeeding success. Yes, your partner should attend. Yes, they will have a role and it will be worth it. He reminded me of things we learned when I couldn’t, having had just given birth.
For my first, who was a hospital birth, I saw a lactation consultant at the renowned George Washington hospital, who was just okay. I had a couple of follow-ups at the Breastfeeding Center of DC, which were great. We struggled initially (it’s not as intuitive as I thought) but we got the hang of it and she breastfed for twenty months. I pumped from when I returned to work at four months to when she turned a year. I loved the connection and bonding and knowing she was getting something nutritional from me every day, something that even adjusts to her needs and immune system. It truly is amazing when you learn about beautifully designed the human body is to breastfeed, including how the nutritional content (and corresponding color) changes based on baby’s health.
There was a lactation room in my office, but I also pumped in cars, bathrooms, and utility closets, when I was in the field. There was a lot of stress around where to pump, when to pump, remembering the parts, remembering to clean the parts, refrigerating the milk etc. etc. Pumping sucks and I had a love, hate relationship with that machine. Had I been living in Canada and had maternity leave for a year, I wouldn’t have had to worry about pumping, of course.
Fortunately, my mom stayed with me for six months caring for me and my baby and feeding me all the things I needed to recover. Though this is the norm in India, it is unheard of here, but it was a big part of why I was successful with breastfeeding. Infant massage also helps with the breastfeeding relationship, by the way. It helps decrease cortisol and increase oxytocin. My mom massaged my baby, while she was with us! In this video, I talk about how baby massage supports breastfeeding.
My Second Baby’s Experience
With my second child, who I birthed at home, my midwife informed me she had a tongue tie, which would affect her ability to breastfeed. I contacted the “best” lactation consultant in the area, who I met through my infant massage business. Since it was still Covid, she only did virtual visits, which was not ideal, as you can imagine. She recommended a couple of practitioner options for the release- an ENT or a pediatric dentist. We researched, weighed our options, looked into aftercare, etc. and decided to go with the ENT. In hindsight, this may not have been the best choice.
I recall they were able to see us sooner than the dentist and, when it comes to feeding, every second and minute matters. I remember panicking one night realizing I needed to start pumping immediately and finding that my old pump didn’t work. Our baby was born two weeks early so the new pump hadn’t arrived yet. We also weren’t expecting a tongue tie. So, I called my girlfriends desperately looking for a pump and on of their husband’s delivered it right away. That’s community.
After spending $600 on a lactation consultant, doing the tongue tie release with an ENT, and doing the oral exercises on my baby, for weeks and weeks, she still never latched. It was upsetting and demoralizing. Given that we were in a pandemic, I was available to her all day every day. Instead, I had to pump, which I did for seven months! It was seven long months of attaching myself to the tubes and hearing that annoying murmur of the machine. It was seven months of losing time with my girls. Not to mention all the supplies you need to go with it and obsessing over not producing enough. I was constantly ingesting all that I could to help increase my supply. Breastfeeding is not free. Pumping is not free.
At seven months, when my supply was dwindling, I supplemented with Hi Bobbie formula, made by an American mom. She based the formula on the European formulas, which a lot of mothers were buying “black market”. A mother, especially one who has resources, will go to any extent to feed her child the healthiest option, as expensive as it may be. They are not taking the easy way out. I also loved that this formula could be delivered to us monthly. Months after we stopped formula, there was a nationwide shortage. My heart desperately ached for all of the families, who had to manage somehow. I couldn’t imagine being in that situation and we all know how the government responded. It was criminal. Fortunately, communities and nonprofits came through.
What Breastfeeding Has to do with Capitalism
In a capitalistic country such as ours, we often neglect the long-term benefits for the short-term gain. We, as a country, have been unable or unwilling to create environments for mothers to successfully breastfeed their babies. Often, this is done under the guise of what the country can afford. Don’t fall for it. If there was a genuine interest in women and families thriving, who are the backbone of the country, it is possible.
Breastmilk is the healthiest option for babies and that is not debatable. Most mothers go into pregnancy and childbirth wanting desperately to breastfeed their babies and yet some are not successful. Believe me, we are feeling the sadness and guilt of that ourselves even years later. When milk supply drops due to stress or mothers having to return to work and start pumping, supply drops again. Other unaddressed health issues also contribute to a drop in supply. About 83% of babies start their life breastfeeding. That number drops to 56% by the time baby is six months old due to the factors mentioned.
Resources
I love this Motherly article about the support breastfeeding mothers need, which excludes judgment from the equation, thank you.
Join companies like Chamber of Mothers, who are advocating for mothers like us on a number of issues. Take the breastfeeding class with your partner. Hire the lactation consultants. Follow breastfeeding experts like @thelittlemilkbar @milkymamallc @blackmomsbreastfeed @pacifyapp and @lalecheleague so you can start creating the community of support you need.
Because whether breastmilk or formula, mothers are the BEST and that’s not debatable.
